PART III: Question Box

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INTRODUCTION: Why this is important.

 

Notwithstanding what one may think - “good” Yeshiva boys and BY girls have questions!!

 

“But are there really so many boys and girls doing this stuff (coed mixing, music, movies etc.)?”

 

“But by bringing up the topic, you are putting such things into the heads of sheltered boys and girls who know nothing of this.”

 

“But certainly our children do not need to hear about gender issues, and other such horrible things - it is not in our camp!”

 

“But eventually, when they get to yeshiva/seminary, they will receive the answers then.”

 

“But our school IS open to questions! All students know they can go to the Mashgiach,  Mechaneches, or Rav Ploni or Rebbetzin Plonis to talk about anything!”

 

THE QUESTIONS:

 

1. BOYS and GIRLS

• “What is really so bad about talking to girls/boys?”

 

• “Yeshivos/BY tells us that talking to girls/boys is the absolutely worst thing a young person can do - it ruins his/her neshama and leads to all sorts of terrible things. But I know boys and girls who talk to each other - they are just friends and are completely shomer negia, and they are a star students!”

 

• “She/He is the ONLY one who understands me! She/he has helped me deal with my problems (at home, with friends, in school) and is easier to talk to than my school friends!”

 

• “I am saving him - he started davening Mincha just because of me! If I drop him, who knows what will happen to him!”

 

• “We only text each other (or Whatsapp) - we never go out - so what could go wrong?”

 

• “My sister (cousin/friend) ended up marrying her H.S. boyfriend and they’re doing great!”

 

• “The inspiring speaker you brought in (or I listen to online) grew up in a coed environment and he turned out amazing! So why is it so bad?”

 

2. NON-JEWISH MUSIC

• “But if the words are appropriate - what is so bad - it is only music!”

 

• “And you don’t really listen to the words anyways!”

 

• “Plenty of Jewish music is just as rocked up and sounds the same - so what makes something kosher Jewish music?”

 

• “What about goyish music that they have put Jewish words to?”

 

3. SECULAR NOVELS AND MOVIES

• “But if the plot or theme is ok - what is so bad?”

 

• “We are just reading or watching for fun - we obviously are not going to do any of that stuff!”

 

• “The Jewish books are all so typical and boring - so what should we do for fun?”

 

4. SOCIAL MEDIA

• “I only post appropriate stuff - so why are adults so hung up on this”

 

• “This is the way our generation communicates! Adults cannot understand it.”
   

5. “BASHERT”; SHIDDUCHIM; DIVORCE

• “Since my “bashert” has Free Will, so if he chooses to go “off the derech” does that mean I will never get married? Or at least - can never marry my “bashert”?

 

• “If a couple gets divorced, does that mean they did not marry their “bashert”?

 

• “Is it possible that my “bas kol before I was born” said “bas ploni to no one” which is why some girls never get married?

 

• “How can someone have a happy first marriage, and then a happy second marriage? Does that mean they were both her “bashert”?
   

6. MOSHIACH

• “Since, when Moshiach comes, all will be clear and we will have no struggles - so we will not be able to earn reward. If so, why would we want Moshiach to come soon - it will limit our ability to earn Olam Haba!”

 

• “How will we know that he is really the Moshiach - there were many false ones before who fooled a lot of people?”

 

• “What is the difference between Olam Haba, Gan Eden, Y’mos HaMoshiach and Techiyas HaMeisim?”

 

• “It says there will be a Great War and many will die - that is very scary! So why do I want to be alive at that time?”

 

7. “BAD” FRIENDS

• “I am told to become friends with the “good girls” - but the good girls are boring! What should I do?”

 

• “I know my friends do some bad stuff. But they are good friends, more honest and real than the “good girls” - and I am not stupid enough to do that bad stuff also - I know my boundaries. So what is so bad about being friends with them?”

 

• “My friend is into some bad stuff and I am worried about her. But I promised I would not tell anyone - and I do not want to get her kicked out of school - that will make it worse. What do I do?”

 

8. PARENT ISSUES

• “My parents fight all the time and act like 3 year olds. How am I supposed to respect them?”

 

• “My parents always tell me bad stuff about each other - how am I supposed to respond?”

 

• “My Mom wants me to wear something that she thinks is tzniyus - but I think is not (or - my family wants to do stuff on vacation that I think is not appropriate) - what do I do?”

 

9. HASHGACHA

• “If all Hashem does is for the best - then why are we sad when someone dies?”

 

• “If we are placed on this world with a certain “tafkid” - then why would hope to live long. Wouldn’t it be better to hope we fulfill our tafkid quickly - then die and get Olam Haba?”